Can I see frowns on your faces? Curry? Oh, I don’t like curry, you say, skip this recipe. Well, you’ll be missing out if you don’t at least try it. There is so little curry in this you can’t exactly identify it. Yet it adds a very elusive flavor.

A couple of weeks ago (when I made this) I’d just gotten home from a 5-day trip to Northern California to visit Taylor, my granddaughter who’s attending Sonoma State, and my daughter Dana and her family near Placerville. Once home from the trip I knew I needed to use up some things in my refrigerator and a head of cauliflower was first on the list.

And actually, when I threw together a dinner the next night (you know how it is – you get back from a trip – there’s laundry to do, phone calls to return, mail to go through, bills to pay) and I didn’t have much time to cook dinner. And it wasn’t even in my mind that the recipe would be worthy of a post here on the blog. I just needed a quick dinner and I’d get back to the things that needed doing.

I drizzled some canola oil into a frying pan and then added a bit of butter too. While it was heating up I quick-like sliced and chopped up the cauliflower. The pieces that I sliced were the ones that had more of the caramelization, so I’d vote for doing a lot of slicing rather than floret-ing. I grabbed my bunch of cilantro and twisted off a little chunk to mince. Once the pan was just about smoking (be careful as the butter could burn, and you don’t want that) I threw in the cauliflower, turned the heat down just a bit, turned on the overhead fan and let those pieces caramelize. It doesn’t take long – there is a fine line, though, between hot and burning. It took very little time to get those pieces of cauliflower to brown. I tossed and stirred, along with the bit of dried thyme I sprinkled over it. Once browned to my liking, I added some water to the pan, on went a lid and I let it steam for about a minute. Just a minute. Then I sprinkled on the curry powder, salt and pepper. I tasted a piece because I did want the cauliflower to be done. Oh my goodness was it delicious – so into that little bowl it went – and I took a photo.

As it happened I only cooked a half of a head of cauliflower, but shall I just confess? I ate it all. Every single bit. Does that tell you how wonderful it was? In my defense, I will say that it was a small half head!

What’s GOOD: If you read my last sentence, I ate a half of a cauliflower when I made this. The entire amount. It was that good. The curry powder (I use Madras because I like that type, but you can use any curry powder) isn’t predominating by a long shot. In fact, you can hardly taste it. If you want to make it more special, throw in some pine nuts. Toast those in the frying pan during the last minute of cooking. You could add some turmeric too. If you don’t like cilantro, add some Italian parsley (it was as much for color as anything else). If your family doesn’t much like cauliflower, they might like it this way. The vegetable almost tastes sweet – caramelization or roasting does that to a lot of vegetables.

What’s NOT: not a thing. I love cauliflower, so it was a no-brainer that I’d enjoy it. I just didn’t know how MUCH I’d enjoy it!

printer-friendly PDF and MasterCook 15/16 file (click on line to open recipe)

Tweet

My friend Darci told me about Pinterest about 3-4 years ago, I’m guessing it was. And I’ve been hooked ever since. My gosh, you could just get lost following links and finding new and different boards, everything from home décor, DIY projects, travel photos and obviously, FOOD. I’ve been posting some of my blog post pictures on Pinterest for a couple of years. Most of the time I pay little attention to what, amongst my own recipes/posts/pictures are being re-pinned, but the other day I decided to really look. I get an email every day informing me what items have been re-pinned, but to add them all up is very interesting. So, I thought I’d share with you the most popular pins.

The one that has created the most re-pins is:

I call them French Hamburgers. It’s a Julia Child recipe, and as I explained in my post, back in 2007, that these are a family favorite, one of my favorites, and even worthy of a company meal. You don’t serve them with hamburger buns – this is a much more formal kind of burger – it has a luscious wine/butter sauce poured over it, and you eat it kind of like a meatloaf, I suppose, but you do cook it in a skillet, just like a hamburger.

This recipe, as I write it up today, has been re-pinned several thousand times. That’s a LOT! I think. If you’ve never made these, you’re depriving yourself of a treat. Do buy good ground meat.

The next recipe that gets re-pinned a lot, is this salad dressing:

This dressing, Lime Cilantro Dressing, was posted in 2013, from a new cookbook I’d been given. As I recall, I was making a very Southwestern type meal for guests, and thought this dressing sounded so different, and good.

The only really important thing to remember is that is must be used within 24 hours, as the fresh cilantro doesn’t hold up well in a dressing. As we know, cilantro wilts when it gets wet, and even though it’s suspended in a dressing, it also dissolves, sort of.

This picture has been re-pinned about 1400 times, as I write this, anyway, and somebody re-pins it almost every day.

And another one that’s also extremely popular is:

If you stabilize mashed potatoes with cream cheese, they’ll keep at low heat for a long, long time. That’s why this recipe for Make-Ahead Mashed Potatoes works so well. It’s was a regular on my Thanksgiving Day menu for years and years. Since my DH passed away, I usually go to one of my kids’ home for that day and I bring vegetables or dessert. If I ever need a whole bunch of mashed potatoes for a gathering, though, this is my go-to recipe that I posted back in 2007. It’s been re-pinned several hundred times.

Another favorite on Pinterest is this concoction:

Supposedly, this recipe comes from Rachael Ray. I got it at a cooking class many years ago, and even just now I searched amongst Rachael Ray’s recipes online, and it’s not there. So, who knows the origin. At any rate, it’s a cross between a soup and a stew. It’s thick. It’s easy peasy – ground beef and some pasta with a creamy sauce (from cream cheese added in at the end) and tomatoes and kidney beans. You can throw it together in no time flat. My mouth is watering . . .

Beef & Cheese Macaroni Stoup

This recipe hasn’t been re-pinned all that many times (like the ones above), but enough to make me notice!

If you’re not a regular on Pinterest, you might want to check it out. It’s fun. Addicting. Very interesting. Start your own “board,” and you save things to it, kind of like your own bulletin board at home, but it’s online. Create categories that suit your interests (like hobbies, reading, travel, etc.). I have a board for Zentangles (an art form) and yesterday I must have pinned 20 new Zentangle art pieces to my own board. You can visit other people’s boards, and you can “follow” specific people on boards also. It’s all about the pictures!

Tweet

How much more Spring-y could you get for a salad than with green peas? A very simple salad of peas, radishes sliced super thin, some sugar snaps and a light olive oil and lemon juice dressing. AND with fresh mint and parsley.

As it happened, I had a small dinner for Easter with son Powell and his family. They had just returned from skiing in Colorado that day, so we had a simple dinner at my house with leg of lamb, roasted root veggies, this pea salad, and a lemon dessert. I prepared the lamb in my sous vide. After 10 hours in the 134° water bath, it was cooked well, although I’d have liked a little bit more pink. It was barely so. Good though. I’m not going to share the recipe since I doubt that many of you have a sous vide. If you do, and want the recipe, email me.

Since I’m retired and home during the day if I’m not out and about, I do occasionally watch daytime TV. The week before Easter I watched an episode of The Chew. It was their pre-Easter show and this salad just jumped out of the TV screen at me. Although, I did change it up a bit. I tried it Carla Hall’s way, but it just didn’t have any zing (to me, anyway), so I added in some lemon juice and some sliced sugar snap peas.

Carla’s recipe called for fresh peas, and although they had them at my local markets, I just don’t trust them – frozen peas are SO much easier and reliable. So I merely defrosted some. Radishes were sliced on the mandolin and dropped into ice water so they’d crisp up. Sugar snaps were de-stringed and sliced. Mint and Italian parsley chopped fine, and at the last minute I tossed it all together with good extra virgin olive oil, salt and pepper. It seemed to lack something, so I added in some lemon juice and more salt and it was ready. The leftover salad lost some of its color (from the lemon juice) and didn’t have much appeal.  The radishes had lost all of their crispness and the herbs were totally wilted. I sent the family home with enough lamb, veggies and salad for them to have another meal. I have at least one meal for myself too.

What’s GOOD: I loved the “fresh” part of a pea salad. It was easy to make, though there was a bit of slicing and mincing. But most of it could be done ahead and the salad combined just before serving. Adjust the lemon juice to your taste. I used Meyer lemon juice, which is sweeter, so if using regular lemons, taste before adding too much. It was a great side for lamb.

What’s NOT: not so good for leftovers – the green peas lost some of their color with the acid in the dressing. And the salad was kind of sad – wilted and not very zippy as leftovers. Eaten right after making it, it was a stellar recipe.

printer-friendly PDF and MasterCook 15/16 file (click link to open recipe)

Tweet

This kind of baked dessert isn’t new to me, and hopefully not to you, either. A batter is poured into ramekins, it’s baked in a water bath and when you dip your spoon into it there’s a nice pudding layer on the bottom and a sponge cake layer on the top.

Sometimes the chemistry of baking baffles me – I should go into my food chemistry books to read exactly how or why a pudding cake actually does the separation during baking. Because when you pour it in, it’s all one batter. I’m just thankful that it DOES work. I served this a few weeks ago, on Easter Sunday and I sent my family home with the leftovers. I’d watched a recent episode of America’s Test Kitchen, and they’d made this recipe. What’s different about their preparation is the effort to bring out, bring in more lemon flavor. How that’s done is by warming the milk and cream with lemon zest, allowing it to steep a little bit, then the zest is strained out. Otherwise, the recipe is nearly identical to any other pudding cakes I’ve ever made. I usually make it in a baking dish (and this one can also) but I decided to do the ramekins this time.

The baking process is also slightly different here – usually when using a water bath, you pour hot-hot water into the pan. With this, you pour COLD water into the pan around the ramekins. I think they said it provided a more gentle baking process.

With plenty of lemons in my yard, I’m always looking for new ways to use lemons. Do use an instant read thermometer when you make this, as you don’t want to over bake it – then it gets dry and too brown on top (mine was slightly over done). The recipe said to not let it bake higher than 172-175°F.  I “fixed” that by serving it with a sauce of melted vanilla ice cream. If you’ve never done that before, gosh, it’s SO easy – just scoop out some into a bowl and allow it to melt and pour it into a nice pitcher. No one will be the wiser and they’ll think you slaved over making a vanilla sauce. It’s a lovely, thick creamy vanilla sauce. Very pourable and was a perfect accompaniment to the pudding cakes.

What’s DIFFERENT: soaking the lemon zest in warm milk, and then using cold water in the water bath.

What’s GOOD: the lovely lemony flavor. I’m a sucker for lemon anything, so I loved it. Was it better than any I’ve ever made before? Not really sure – I guess I’d have to taste them side by side. I have another lemon pudding cake (lemon sponge pudding) here on my blog and my recollection is that it was marvelous. It’s very similar, but also contains butter, which gives that one a bit more richness and it’s got plenty of pucker power. But this one was really good too. Try them both and see what you think?

What’s NOT: really nothing other than the more elaborate preparation with whipping up the egg whites. Not a difficult dessert at all, though.

printer-friendly PDF and MasterCook 15/16 file (click on link to open recipe)

Tweet

If you’ve been reading my blog for a long time you already know that I don’t post very many pasta recipes. I love pasta, but when my DH was alive (he was a Type 1 diabetic), he/we were convinced that pasta just wasn’t a good dining choice for him – he could never seem to regulate how much insulin to take based on the size of the pasta portion (even though I measured it sometimes). I’m not a fan of whole wheat pasta, so I just don’t order pasta much, and you can count on one hand how many times in the last year I’ve eaten it or prepared it. Sad, huh? I’ve convinced myself that pasta just isn’t a very healthy thing for me to eat (too many carbs). But once in awhile . . . .

So, I was looking for recipes to use up a whole head of cauliflower I’d purchased. I went to Eat Your Books, where I have an account, put in cauliflower, and up came 200+ recipe titles from my own cookbooks. In 15 minutes time, I’d spread out 4 cookbooks and was trying to decide which one to make. This recipe just called my name, although I altered it just a bit. The original came from Deborah Madison’s Vegetarian Cooking for Everyone. She had any number of cauliflower recipes, but the pasta one seemed to be the one I gravitated towards. I decided to add peas (for color mostly). And I didn’t use Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese – only because I had 2 packages of Gruyere begging to be used for something. And, I added in some olive oil at the end also. Her recipe called for spaghettini, and I didn’t have any of that, so small linguine seemed the closest. I suppose any pasta would do, though.

The cooking technique is quite standard EXCEPT for how you keep the cauliflower and other ingredients hot while you cook the pasta. See the contraption at left – I used my All-Clad deep sauté pan and it nestled on top of the big, wide Le Creuset pot, with room to spare around the edges. That’s what you want/need to keep everything hot. That worked like a charm!

Once the pasta is cooked al dente, drain it and toss in with the veggies, scoop a portion onto a plate or bowl, top with cheese and you’re done. My dinner came together in about 20 minutes time.

What’s GOOD: well, let me just tell you, I gobbled that dinner down in nothing flat, and I went back for a tiny scoop of seconds. I cut the recipe in half and still have a generous portion for another dinner. The cauliflower and pea mixture gave nice texture to the dish, and the butter and oil added in certainly gave it nice richness. Next time I’ll add a few more red pepper flakes – it’s easy to make things too hot with those little things. Do use a generous amount of pepper, too.

What’s NOT: nothing at all – this was a very easy meal, providing you or your family won’t miss a big hunk of protein. You probably could add some leftover chicken. Or bacon perhaps. I liked it just the way it was.

printer-friendly PDF and MasterCook 15/16 file (click link to open recipe)

Tweet

Guinness – a beer from Ireland –  is a stout with a wheaty kind of flavor and is notorious for providing a big head of foam. Hence the frosting is supposed to look like the foamy head. I don’t drink beer – I don’t like beer, though I’ve tasted it numerous times over the years . Maybe not to my taste for drinking, but it makes a mean addition to a cake.

One of the perks of having a bible study group that meets at my house with some regularity, is that I have the opportunity, and a reason – to bake something. I do love to bake, though cookies and cakes are probably my favorites. This time I was baking for a potluck luncheon and I chose dessert since nearly everything else was taken by the time the list got to me. I needed about 12 servings of something, so it meant choosing something that made a pretty big cake. The funny thing is – I had purchased the can of Guinness just a few days before my DH had his stroke in 2014, as I was going to make it that week. The can has been sitting on my pantry shelf ever since, and I wasn’t even sure it would still be any good. When I opened the can, it spouted some foam and plenty of whiiisssh, so I knew it was okay. Good enough for baking a cake, anyway.

The recipe has been languishing in my to-try file for a long time – it’s a Nigella Lawson recipe, and if you google the title, you’ll find ample other bloggers who have shared this or a variation of it. Nigella’s original recipe was made, as I did it, in a 9-inch springform pan, but many others have prepared it as a double layer cake, or maybe a triple layer cake. One commenter on Nigella’s website said she’d made it for her wedding cake and was astounded there wasn’t a single crumb left. She made it multi-stories high, apparently.

The only unusual thing about making this is you melt the butter, Guinness and unsweetened chocolate together, and it’s then added to the other wet mixture of sour cream and eggs, then you add dry ingredients. All done by hand – no mixer required. It was simple enough to mix up and into a buttered springform pan it went and baked for about 45 minutes, until it reached 200°F in the center. It cooled awhile, then I took it off the springform base and it went onto a pedestal cake stand.

One of the blogs I read about this cake mentioned that the cake sinks a bit in the middle, and she recommended taking a slice off the top. And yes, I was at first dismayed when I saw this happen as the cake cooled. But once you slice off the top, it was fine. The cake is firm enough for you to do that. I nibbled on the lopped-off top and gave the rest of it to a friend whose daughter loves any of my left over baking stuff.

I recommend that you not frost the cake until you’re within an hour or so of serving it – keep it covered in plastic wrap until then. You generally don’t refrigerate cakes (they stale very rapidly when refrigerated), but with dairy in the frosting (cream cheese and heavy cream) you can’t leave it out at room temp indefinitely, either. So, just plan ahead, that’s all.

The cake was a big hit. It served many more than 12, since I cut quite small slices – it’s rich, especially with the cream cheese frosting – and I still have some left over – unfortunately I had to keep it in the refrigerator, though. If you end up having to refrigerate yours, just bring it out for an hour before serving the leftovers, so the cake is more to room temp.

What’s GOOD: wonderful chocolaty flavor. I used Trader Joe’s (new) box of unsweetened chocolate and it’s very dark-chocolaty, for sure. You know there is something different in this cake (the Guinness) but you won’t know what it is. It’s a somewhat dense cake, but yet it has a light texture too. A contradiction, I know, but it’s true. The frosting is perfect on this cake – it definitely needs something, and the thick frosting does give the appearance of the foamy head from the Guinness. Would be wonderful for St. Patrick’s Day – alas, I didn’t make this until about then – should have written it up and posted it immediately! Sorry.

What’s NOT: just make sure you buy the Guinness – that’s not on anyone’s every day shopping list unless you regularly drink the stuff. Everything else was very straightforward. Not hard to make. Nothing at all bad about it! As I said, it was a big hit at the luncheon, and several asked me for the recipe.

printer-friendly PDF and MasterCook 15/16 file (click link to open recipe)

Tweet

Ever get a craving for lentils? I sure do! And this recipe, very close to the one at Kalyn’s Kitchen, is such an easy soup (or stew) to make. It comes together in about 50 minutes, with only a few of those minutes where you’re actively working on it.

When I first started reading blogs way back in about 2005, Kalyn’s Kitchen was one of the first I found. I don’t follow the South Beach diet plan she advocates, but since my hubby, my DH, was a type 1 diabetic, lots of her recipes were good ones for him since most of them are low carb. My DH and I visited with Kalyn some years ago when we were on a trip in Utah and we got to see her photo studio in her house, and her prolific garden. We had a lovely visit. Anyway, I still follow Kalyn’s blog, and when this recipe popped up, I knew I’d be making it. I started this blog in 2007, much as a result of reading Kalyn’s, as well as others.

Kalyn’s recipe is a vegetarian one, with the only protein coming from the lentils themselves. I made this per her recipe, but I added in some carnitas (car-NEE-tas, a Mexican style pork shoulder slow simmered until it’s tender). I had about half a pound of carnitas on hand that needed to be used. And carnitas are Mexican, so I figured it would be a natural pairing. I’ve merely included the meat in the recipe below as an option. As I was chopping celery and onions I didn’t measure – I used a big onion and likely double the amount of celery – it made it a bit more chunky. And, I probably used a bit more spices (turmeric, cumin and chile powder). It certainly could be made with regular brown lentils, but the red ones make for a very pretty bowl. The spices are right down my alley. I added in some harissa (instead of the green Tabasco she suggested) which gave this stew a punch of heat. I squirted on some sour cream and sprinkled heavily with cilantro and it was ready to eat. This recipe doesn’t make a really huge quantity (good thing since I’m a family of one) so it’s now in a heavy-duty plastic Ziploc bag in my refrigerator.

What’s GOOD: this is so “comfort food” for me. Love the texture and the Mexican (spice) flavors. You can make it purely vegetarian if you prefer, or add in carnitas if that floats your boat. Even chicken would be fine too. Do use the toppings (sour cream and cilantro) as that adds a big boost of flavor.

What’s NOT: nary a thing – this is a very easy soup/stew to make.

printer-friendly PDF and MasterCook 15/16 file (click link to open recipe)

Tweet

If you haven’t ever been to The Biltmore Estate, you have truly missed out on out one of America’s treasures. It’s open to the public, and also has 2 hotels located right on the grounds of the estate itself.

My friend Darlene has been telling me for years about The Biltmore Estate, and it had been on the travel plan for my DH and me in the spring, but then my hubby died suddenly. We were planning a driving trip of the Blue Ridge Mountains and had known we’d stay there. Obviously, that trip didn’t happen, as I wasn’t going to do the trip by myself. So, when Sara invited me to go with her and granddaughter Sabrina to visit colleges in the south, I prevailed on them to add 2 nights (my treat) to visit and stay there.

After visiting 2 of the colleges on our plan, we arrived at the Biltmore late in the afternoon. Darlene had recommended we stay at the Inn on the Biltmore, and to get a room facing the back, the big meadow toward the winery, which we did. We had a lovely room with a gorgeous view.

This estate was built by George Vanderbilt at around the turn of the last century (1890-95 approx). The Vanderbilts made their money from the beginnings of railroads here in the U.S., and they were multi-millionaires. This Vanderbilt, married a society woman and they lived mostly at the Biltmore, although the family also had a huge family home in NYC. George vacationed in the Blue Ridge mountains when he was young, and always wanted to return and build a home there. Originally he bought up about 125,000 acres and he and his friends hunted on the grounds in season. George and his wife had one daughter who eventually married into the Cecil family (connected to British royalty), and the estate is still owned by their progeny. Because of inheritance taxes (I’m supposing this as I’ve not read it) that the family decided to open the estate to the public – only that way could they keep the beautiful grounds (now only 8,000 acres). Over the years the land has yielded lots of crops and they raise livestock on it now. There is a winery too.

The Biltmore itself contains 40+ bedrooms and about 25 bathrooms – this back in the day when a complete bathroom housed within a home was almost a rarity. To say that the house is exquisite almost doesn’t do it justice. It’s sumptuous. It’s brilliant, glittery in places, tasteful throughout, housing thousands of art pieces that George collected and are worth millions all by themselves.

Visiting the Biltmore is not for the meek of pocketbook. We stayed on the grounds, at the hotel pictured above and I bought a package that included parking (yes, that’s extra even if you’re staying at the hotel) and the breakfast buffet. The grounds also contain numerous gardens which were nothing but brown twigs when we visited. The hilly landscape was beautiful, nonetheless, as we wove on the interior curvy roads. It’s 3 miles from the front gate to the Biltmore, and back in the day you went by carriage. There was a train terminus in the nearby town – Asheville. George died quite young of a burst appendix (the infection caused by the rupture). This was before penicillin. His widow continued to live at the Biltmore and she maintained the many educational programs she and her husband had started for the villagers (because the depression caused such hardship). About 30-35 servants worked in the home full time, year ‘round. We did the Upstairs/Downstairs tour, which was just fascinating. The architect and designers included many innovative things into the building of the French Renaissance “castle.” It isn’t a castle, but by my parlance it certainly qualifies.

Our second day there we did the tour in the morning and then had afternoon tea, which is served at the Inn on the Biltmore, in their beautiful library.

Our waiter (in tux attire) was very attentive and made us feel very content. The tea offered are their own varieties, 3 or 4 black tea combinations, and 4 herbal and floral combos. Because it was late afternoon I think we all had herbal teas, which were very, very nice and tasty. The tea was one of the bargains of the visit – I think it was $21.95/pp and included savories, sandwiches, pastries and tea.

In nice weather the Biltmore offers carriage rides (yes, sign me up) and also an open jeep backcountry ride as well (ditto). In

season, with the flowers and foliage, the estate must be absolutely gorgeous. Sara, Sabrina and I have promised ourselves we will go back to the Biltmore, stay at the Inn again, and be there when the flowers are in bloom – but in the spring before it’s too warm for bugs and humidity. It was bitterly cold while we were there – it got down into the low 20s both nights, but we were toasty inside and there was no snow or rain, really. A must see if you’re ever in the Asheville, NC area. My advice: you really cannot see the estate in a day; not even in 2 days. I highly recommend a 3-days visit, or do 2 nights, but arrive in the morning, many hours before you can check in and do a tour or two. There are several restaurants on site; all the food we had was exceptional.

Tweet

When I look at the picture above it bring tears to my eyes. Grieving is such a long, slow process.

It’s been awhile since I’ve talked about my grieving, and today seemed to be a day that brought it all current, even though it’s now been over 2 years. I’ll never stop missing him, my DH, Dave. A good friend came to visit today and we talked a bit about my grieving and where I am today, how I am today. And most days I’m doing well – most people tell me I’m doing remarkably well, and I suppose I am. I’ve learned to adapt to a life alone. Many hours of the day I don’t think about it – I just go about my day with errands, reading, paying bills, attending meetings, helping at church, cooking, or whatever. I’ve adapted. I fill my hours with a variety of activities, mostly Monday through Friday. Weekends are still a conundrum to me – I go to church every Sunday morning – but many of the hours of the rest of Saturday and Sunday are filled with nothing. Not that I sit twiddling my thumbs – I always find something to do – a project, filing, some TV perhaps, grocery shopping, cooking, sorting the mail. Nothing important, really. Sometimes I go to a movie by myself – I don’t mind doing that – I used to do it when Dave was in San Diego on our boat and I was home, so going to a movie alone isn’t a problem.

Probably talking about Dave today brought it into the now, rather than pushed to the recesses of my emotional soul. I can do that mostly – just “not going there,” as they say. I could let myself go sometimes, but most of the time I am able to convince myself that it will only make my eyes red, make me congested for an hour or two, and make the rest of my day a sad one. That’s kind of what happens if I hit a trigger. And there can be any number of them. Seeing one of Dave’s shirts (one in particular hangs in with my own clothes, a favorite shirt he wore often, a Tommy Bahama polo shirt). Occasionally I hug the shirt to me and wish I could catch his scent. But no, it’s long gone. Today I was talking about Dave. My friend Darci was remembering when she heard about Dave’s death. When she left I felt a bit down.

As I was preparing my dinner I glanced out the kitchen window and noticed the profusion of blooming roses out in the garden. I’ve paid absolutely no attention to them. But because I was sad already, they were a trigger for me. Dave loved roses – particularly red ones – and the two bushes must have about 20 blooms on them. I felt guilty for not noticing them. If Dave could talk to me he’d be telling me to GET OUT THERE and enjoy those roses. CUT THOSE ROSES! So, in addition to cutting a few of the roses, I decided to do something that I’ve not done even ONCE since Dave died. I set the dining room table and had my dinner there. Alone. Classical music playing from my Sonos speakers.  I took the pictures before I actually ate the meal as I thought I might write about it. I poured myself a glass of wine, but it didn’t taste good to me. The dinner wasn’t very good, either (leftovers). Up to that point I was feeling okay, but as soon as I actually sat before my plate of food I began to cry. I looked out at the view (a gray day today, cold almost) and just felt incredibly lonely. I talked to Dave. I told him about his roses and apologized to him for not noticing them. And I cried some more.

Most evenings I sit at my kitchen island – with the TV on for background noise – and I eat there. Dave and I only ate our breakfast and lunch in the kitchen – we ate in our dining room every night we ate at home (or on our patio outside during the summer months). He actually enjoyed setting the table and setting up candles and a nice ambiance. All I had to do was cook the food and he was ready and there with the lighter for the candles, his glass of wine, music, etc. I may have mentioned this before – sorry for repeating it, but it’s on my mind – a few weeks before Dave had his stroke we were eating dinner as usual. Dave was a bit melancholy and said something about not feeling all that great – just didn’t have much energy and he said he had a feeling that he wasn’t going to live all that much longer. I, of course, in my usual chipper (naysayer) way said, oh, honey, you’re all right. Maybe you’re anemic (he sometimes was). He said, no, I just feel like maybe I’m reaching that point. I’ve lived so much longer than anybody thought (because he was a Type 1 diabetic and had lost 2 legs and had had heart bypass surgery – even his doctor was surprised at his energizer-bunny-body). Dave was 74 then, and that IS a fairly long life for a Type 1 diabetic. But he’d plumbed some depth of himself and was preparing himself, I suppose. We had a very heart-to-heart talk and among many things we said to one another that evening, I’d told him that if he went before me, that I’d be setting a place for him at our table.

BUT, since Dave died I’ve not been able to eat at the dining room table by myself. I’ve entertained many times and that’s not a problem, but to eat there – all by myself – has been just too hard. I was able to eat in the dining room tonight, but no, wasn’t able to set a place for him. Just couldn’t. I’ve thought about it lots, setting his place next to mine. I’m not yet able to stand up to the kind of grief and trigger that will bring on. It sounds like a little thing, but for me it’s not. It’s a bit of a hurdle – a mountain I must climb – and I’m not ready to do that yet.

Music is also a trigger for me. Am sure I’ve written this before too, but a few weeks after Dave passed away I set up a custom station on Pandora that plays a wide variety of relatively quiet classical and choral music. Many pieces by John Rutter and others sung by the Mormon Tablernacle Choir. There are some pieces (which always play when I select that custom station) that just bring on the tears, and I only play it when I’m feeling sad and am willing to “go there” with my grief. It’s cathartic, I think. Dave loved jazz, though he liked classical music too.

Until you’ve been there, you just don’t know how losing a dear loved one is going to affect you. Dave was the love of my life and I miss him so very much. Thank you for reading. Sorry for unloading all this emotion on all of you who come here for recipes! None today.

Tweet

That’s probably the most common photo taken at Clemson University (in South Carolina). It was just one of many campuses we visited.

In mid-February (sorry it’s taken me so long to share this post) my daughter Sara invited me to go along with her and granddaughter Sabrina to visit colleges in the south. Sabrina wants to be a veterinarian, and probably not to work in a dog/cat clinic. She thinks she wants to be a large animal vet and maybe in the South (not necessarily equine, but could be), though she’s also interested in exotic birds too. She’s been accepted at a bunch of colleges and as I write this, she hasn’t made up her mind which one, although Clemson, pictured above, is in the top two for sure. University of Missouri is wooing her with lots of scholarship and grant money, which could sway her and her family. They will visit that school soon. It’s so darned expensive to go to college these days. Sabrina doesn’t want to attend a California college – not exactly sure why that is – as she could go to college for a lot less money (in-state tuition is cheaper). U.C. Davis is the #2 vet school in the country (Colorado State is #1 now); although Sabrina has very good grades, they’re not quite good enough for Davis, which pretty much requires a better than 4.0 GPA.

So, flying from different parts of the state, we flew to Charlotte, NC and met up there. Clemson was actually the last school we visited. We went to Appalachian State (NC), Univ. of Tennessee at Knoxville, Virginia Tech (Blacksburg, VA) and Clemson (SC). Wake Forest had been on the agenda, but we learned that seeing more than one school in a day was almost impossible, what with 2-5 hours of driving distances between the different schools. And Wake Forest doesn’t have a pre-vet major, so I think Sabrina has bumped them off the list altogether.

Sara had made appointments with most of the schools for a campus tour, and we learned that schools will often schedule a visit with a faculty adviser. That was really helpful, as we learned after the first one at the U of Tenn. From there on, Sara and Sabrina knew more about what to look for, and wanted to see the vet barns and classrooms. We had a vet-school tour with a pre-vet senior at Virginia Tech, which was so very interesting. Of course, the schools only ask students to do this if they’re very rah-rah for the school itself. All of us liked Virginia Tech a lot, and it’s still in the running, I believe.

Appalachian State, although pretty, is quite remote and small, so I think Sabrina has scratched that one off the list. And, although the Univ. of Tennessee/Knoxville is a big campus, and parts are very pretty, I don’t think Sabrina was that intrigued. I didn’t care for the city atmosphere – the campus is right in the heart of downtown, which makes parking a nightmare. As Sara said to me at the end of our trip, it was a good thing I went along, because there were times when I had to stay with the car. We made it in the nick of time for a couple of these tours as the driving took us longer than expected. So, sometimes they went off for a scheduled tour or faculty adviser visit without me as I could find no parking, or nothing near close enough. I frequented a Wal-Mart a couple of times because that was the only place to park. There are a lot of Wal-Marts in the South!

Sara didn’t want to drive in weather, so I did about half the driving, especially on the days it was snowing and icy roads prevailed. We saw so many accidents, and cars, trucks, and even a tumbled-over semi truck that had slid on ice into culverts. I drove slow and steady and we were fine. We, as Californians, and SoCal ones at that, don’t have many cold weather clothes. I bought a pair of boots for the trip (and then didn’t ever wear them because with my heavy socks on, I couldn’t get my foot into them!), and I wore a neck scarf every day, plus layers of things. We actually enjoyed the cold weather, though we were very lucky throughout the trip – relatively few hours driving in snow, rain or ice, just enough to make it pretty. We wore gloves only on the days it was in the 20s. Most of the days it was in the 30s and 40s. At right is the alumni center at Clemson – I thought it was such an oddity to see a class ring in taller than life-size sculpture. Sunset photo above was taken by daughter Sara with her cell phone.

Sabrina has a friend who is a sophomore at Clemson, so they were able to walk the campus some after the tour (and we shared lunch at a little joint in the half-block long street of “downtown” Clemson). The school is in the middle of nowhere (so is Virginia Tech, for that matter). But it’s a beautiful campus and big. We saw lots of happy, laughing and smiling students there that day. The last morning we drove to the vet barns and arena. It’s several miles from the campus and might be a problem for Sabrina who won’t have a car there, or at any of the schools she’s considering. Her parents don’t want her to have a car (she has one, my DH’s pretty old BMW convertible, that lives at home). Sabrina has a part time job working at a dog/cat vet clinic near where they live. She’s just loving the experience she’s getting there.

One of the fun parts of the trip was sampling the food. Our first day there we stopped at a Cracker Barrel, in Boone, NC, near Appalachian State. We had the nicest waitress, a local, with a very southern drawl, who helped us choose the best of the side dishes. Sara and I shared a chicken & dumpling meal, and we got cheesy grits, fried okra and broccoli. Sabrina had meatloaf with greens and we all had buttermilk biscuits that were every bit as good as I’ve ever made from scratch. It was such a good meal! See photo in the collage below. There is no way I could have eaten the entire meal – it’s a good thing Sara and I shared it and we couldn’t finish it even then!

We stopped our last day there in a small barbecue place in SC, called Southern Barbecue, (the link is to Yelp’s page about the restaurant which is in Spartanburg, SC) and got food to go – a pulled pork sandwich (that I thought was sensational, but I like Carolina Q – the kind that doesn’t use ketchup or a sweet red sauce). We also got a bag of hush puppies. Oh my gosh, were they ever the BEST! I don’t think we had any desserts to speak of – we were always too full of the regular food! Portions were large everywhere we went. Biscuits and gravy were an everyday item on the breakfast buffet. I’m not much for institutional style eggs (hard and rubbery) so I had the biscuits and gravy a couple of mornings.

We also stayed for 2 days and nights in Asheville, NC, to see the Biltmore Estate. I’m going to write up a separate post about that since it was so extra special. For me, that was the highlight of the trip. Stay tuned.

Tweet