Those of you who have been through this grief journey with me know that I haven’t cooked much for a long time. Nothing very noteworthy anyway. But because it’s Christmas, well . . .

Every year I bake a bread that has been a regular on our/my Christmas table. It’s not a new recipe by any means – in fact, I think I’ve posted about it twice. Bishop’s Bread. It’s packed with walnuts, chocolate chips and halved maraschino cherries. I’ve made this every year (except one) since the 1960’s. And as I write this on Friday, December 12th, until this morning I hadn’t baked a thing yet of my usual Christmas goodies. But this morning, as it’s raining cats and dogs here in Southern California (blessed rain, thank you, Lord) I felt the urge to make this bread. I’ve managed to do it with my ailing foot. I may be resting it the rest of the day because of it, but 2 loaves are in the oven.

Christmas music is playing in my warm kitchen, the rain is pitter-pattering on the skylight here in the kitchen, and I can hear the oven fan going. And yes, I miss Dave immensely. He’d be right here with me, grabbing up the dirty bowls, spoons, measuring spoons and cups, and throwing out those egg shells, cleaning up after me. If I let myself dwell on that, or all the other wonderful things about him that I miss, it will make me depressed. So, I’m not going there.

In 2008 I took the photo above, at one corner of the big pool, as the rain had completely filled the pool and it was overflowing. That’s exactly what’s happening right now, but it’s still raining, so I’m not going out there to take a new photo. That corner of the pool is lower than the other – settling has occurred on the property over the years. So it’s the low spot.

Anyway, baking – I’m just glad that I FELT like baking. My friend Cherrie virtually doesn’t bake. She cooks everything else, even cookies, but she doesn’t do other kinds of baking, hardly. I asked her if she wanted a loaf, and she said “oh yes, PLEASE!” She loves Bishop’s Bread as much as I do. So, celebrate with me/for me that I feel like baking. And if you don’t like fruitcake (my hand raised here), then maybe this bread is right for you.

Tweet

Want an easy-easy smoked salmon appetizer? This is it. Mix it up a day or so ahead of time, even, and serve with toasted baguette slices, or crackers, or little pieces of cucumber. It’s not overwhelming with salmon – as in “ooh, that’s too smoky or salty.” It’s just right.

Okay Kelli, this one’s for you! **

You’re going to be getting a whole bunch of new recipes.  My friend Cherrie went to a whopper of a cooking class a couple of weeks ago – 2 teachers, teaching together in tandem with 2 full menus, one a brunch, the other one a dinner. We went equipped with a few little plastic boxes and plastic baggies because there was no way we could eat all the food they prepared! Just about every single recipe we acquired at this class was good. And this one was really delicious. II made this a few days ago, and it WAS really easy. I put it in a cute little Christmasy container and served it with ciabatta slices that I toasted with a spray of olive oil on them.

Diane Phillips made this at the class. About the only important thing to know is selecting RIGHT kind of smoked salmon. Do NOT buy brined style, but do get dry smoked. Otherwise, making this is pretty cinchy easy.

**The other night I had a big group of book club friends to my home – annually we do a potluck – and it’s been at my house for at least 10 years. Anyway, one of my friends (Kelli, noted above) said she reads my blog (I didn’t know she did), but she said, “now, Carolyn, you really need to put some simple recipes up on your blog.”

Actually, this recipe does have 9 ingredients, so I suppose it doesn’t qualify as 5 ingredients or less, but some of them are pretty easy – capers, hot sauce, horseradish, so you can throw this together in no time at all. It needs refrigerating for awhile to meld the flavors. Do watch the sodium content on the salmon – the one I bought was quite high (well, they all are, but some more than others). You don’t add any (additional) salt to this recipe, so you don’t want the salmon to be over the top.

What’s GOOD: easy to make, very tasty, can make ahead, will keep for a few days, and can be frozen up to a month. See? Easy.
What’s NOT: maybe finding dry smoked salmon – just read the labels. Trader Joe’s has several. Sometimes dill is hard to find, and it doesn’t keep long.

printer-friendly CutePDF
Files: MasterCook 5+ and MasterCook 14 (click on link to open recipe in MC)

Tweet

These were actually the orange-fleshed type of sweet potato, some call yams (but they’re not, they’re just a different variety of sweet potato). They made a great side for our Thanksgiving dinner. Even though it says maple sauce, it wasn’t all that sweet, so don’t compare it to similar dishes that are loaded with brown sugar and/or marshmallows. NOT!

I can’t take credit for making this – my daughter-in-law, Karen, did, but the recipe is online. She said they were fairly easy to make. The sauce can be made ahead and just reheated before drizzling it on top. In the original recipe the sweet potatoes were left in big chunks, but Karen mashed them (probably because the little kids would eat more of them, and they did).

Note in the picture how there are the little niches/lines across the top – I’ve often seen Karen spoon pureed things into a casserole dish (potatoes, zucchini, yellow squash, carrots) and make those crevices – such a more attractive top than the way I might do them – plop them in the dish and smooth the top. She uses a big, flattish kind of spoon and makes thick rows with the crevice between each. So when she drizzled the maple sauce on top, that sauce was quite visible in those crevices. Pretty, huh? I thought so. Clever girl, my daughter-in-law!

If you’re taking this to someone else’s home, just bake and wrap it up tight, reheat the sauce at the last minute and drizzle on the sauce.

What’s GOOD: loved the flavor – not only the maple sauce (which isn’t all that sweet, surprisingly enough) but the pecans added crunch, yet there weren’t enough of them to distract from the potatoes themselves. Altogether delicious and very pretty too, if you do it with the crevices you see in the photo.

What’s NOT: I can’t think of anything. I wouldn’t use canned yams for this, but then, I’m partial to freshly baked things anyway.
printer-friendly CutePDF

Files: MasterCook 5+ and MasterCook 14 (click on link to open recipe in MC)

Tweet

Know what a “shrub” is? No, not that kind of shrub! The drink, silly!

A shrub: [according to wikipedia] popular during America’s colonial era, was made by mixing a vinegary syrup with spirits, water, or carbonated water. The term “shrub” can also be applied to the sweetened vinegar-based syrup, from which the cocktail is made; the syrup is also known as “drinking vinegar.” Drinking vinegar is often infused with fruit juice, herbs and spices for use in mixed drinks.

Since I like sparkling wine (or Champagne) in almost anything, I knew I’d like this drink. And it was so very festive for Thanksgiving. Everyone who tried it, liked it. I liked it so much I had a second one (but then I didn’t have any wine with dinner).

When I went to wikipedia to look up the origin of the shrub, I read through it all. Very interesting. Here I’ve copied some of it, in case you’re interested in the history (underlining inserted by me):

The early English version of the shrub arose from the medicinal cordials of the 15th century. The drink gained popularity among smugglers in the 1680s trying to avoid paying import taxes for goods shipped from mainland Europe: To avoid detection, smugglers would sometimes sink barrels of spirits off-shore to be retrieved later; the addition of fruit flavors aided in masking the taste of alcohol fouled by sea water. As a mixture of fruit and alcohol, the shrub is related to the punch, however punches were normally served immediately after mixing the ingredients, whereas shrubs tended to have a higher concentration of flavor and sugar and could be stored for later use, much like a pre-made drink mixer. The shrub was itself a common ingredient in punches, either on its own or as a simple mix with brandy or rum. It was also served during the Christmas season mixed with raisins, honey, lemon, sherry, rum and other spirits. The shrub was sold in most public houses throughout England in the 17th and 18th centuries, although the drink fell out of fashion by the late 1800s.

The American version of the shrub has its origins in 17th century England where vinegar was used as an alternative to citrus juices in the preservation of berries and other fruits for the off-season. Fruit preserves made in this fashion were themselves known as shrubs and the practice carried over to colonial America. By the 19th century, typical American recipes for shrubs used vinegar poured over fruit—traditionally berries—which was left to infuse anywhere from overnight up to several days; afterward the fruit would be strained out and the remaining liquid would be mixed with a sweetener such as sugar or honey and then reduced to make a syrup. The sweet-and-sour syrup could be mixed with either water or soda water and served as a soft drink, or it could be used as a mixer in alcoholic cocktails. Shrubs eventually fell out of popularity with the advent of home refrigeration.

The serving of vinegar-based shrub drinks became popular again in 2011 and 2012 in American restaurants and bars. The trend has also been noted in bars in Canada as well as London. The acidity of the shrub makes it well suited as an apéritif or used as an alternative to bitters in cocktails. Unlike cocktails acidulated with citrus, vinegar-based drinks will remain clear when shaken.

Recently I visited a cute little shop in my area called The Mixing Glass. It’s a tiny footprint of a store that carries a variety of more unusual alcohol types, drinking paraphernalia (nice gifts) and some mixes. I paused in the store to look around and I spotted this bottle (along with several other flavors, see above photo from their website) of a shrub mix. This one is a cranberry, but the small Berkeley-based company, Shrub & Co. makes a variety of flavors. Just click on the link and you can read all about them, and peruse their recipes. And read about where you can buy this in your area.

There were 12 people at our Thanksgiving dinner, and I think about 8 of them had at least one glass of this. Because the cranberry shrub mix is almost like bitters, but not as concentrated, you must add sugar, so the drink recipe below (provided to me by the shop owner) uses simple syrup. I bought Gloria Ferrer sparkling wine, which is a bit on the tart side anyway, so the drink wasn’t all that sweet. It was sweet, but not so much that people would be turned off by it. This recipe below isn’t on the company’s website, so I can’t give credit unless the store owner at The Mixing Glass came up with it herself. In any case, it’s really lovely.

The cranberry elixir also has Douglas fir in it. None of us could taste the fir or find the scent of it at all. But then, the drink recipe adds a sprig of rosemary to each glass, so perhaps it overwhelmed the Douglas fir. In any case, the drink was a success.

What’s GOOD: if you have the simple syrup made up ahead, chilled, and the bottle of shrub mix chilled, the drink will be nice and cold when you serve pour in the chilled sparkling wine. It’s a lovely, refreshing drink. Not too sweet, and not too tart. Perfect, we all thought. My daughter-in-law, Karen, asked me if I’d bring it to Christmas Eve at their house. So, I will, by all means! The drink uses very little of the cranberry mix (1/2 ounce per glass) so I have a LOT of it left. The mix would make a nice gift.

What’s NOT: only that you’ll likely have the bottle around for a long while – you don’t use much of it in each drink – and it must be kept refrigerated after opening. Fortunately I have a refrigerator in the garage, and that’s where it will stay until Christmas. I don’t know how long the shrub mix will keep – it doesn’t say – maybe forever. Don’t know. Oh, and I forgot to mention – the mix was $22.99.

printer-friendly CutePDF
Files: MasterCook 5+ and Master Cook 14 (click on link to open recipe in MC)

Tweet

What a beauty she is! My DH just loved-loved-loved his boat. I took the picture at sunset.

A couple of weeks ago I told you that Dave’s sailboat is in escrow, and she has to have her sea trial this week, and some kind of an inspection to make sure she’s as seaworthy as I’m saying she is. I’m having lots of bittersweet feelings about selling her. Do I get seasick? Yes! So therefore, do I sail? No. Do I want to maintain her? Gosh no. Do I visit the yacht club regularly? No (too many memories there and it’s 90 miles away besides). And yet, selling her is tantamount to selling part of me, too. Dave and I bought this boat together. Me, for the entertaining aspect; Dave for the boat herself, to sail her, to go places on her (like the Channel Islands and Catalina). Whenever Dave got edgy, itchy, slightly grumpy (friends who knew him will say what? they never knew Dave as anything but up, always), he’d go to the boat and even a part of a day, or an overnight would put him back in tip-top mental shape. He’d come home with windblown hair (well, that was from driving his convertible with the top down) and the smell of the wind and the ocean in his sweatshirt. He liked to do almost all the work on the boat himself. You’ve heard the phrase, if you’re a sailor, the best day with a boat is the day you buy her and the day you sell her. I don’t think Dave would have agreed, but he did grumble sometimes about all the work on the teak. She has lots of wood up top and down below. Sea air does all kinds of rotten things, as well as the Southern California sun, to the condition of a boat.

There’s the crew in the cockpit: Yvette (Joe’s wife) sipping red wine, my best friend Cherrie, John (Dave’s old friend who captained the boat, and yes, he was reaching for the wheel), me, daughter Sara, daughter-in-law Karen, and Sara’s husband John with his back to the camera.

Anyway, last Sunday I gathered my local family and Dave’s closest friends and we went out on a last sail on her. We had a nice lunch at the yacht club first. There were 12 of us, I think (more than the boat can really handle in comfort, but we managed). John, the captain that day, and his wife live aboard their power boat at the yacht club, but he and Dave used to race sailboats years ago. I was so grateful for John’s help. I suppose I might have been able to maneuver her out of the slip and to the ocean, but I’m not a credible sailor.

In photo at left, daughter-in-law Karen, Joe (the dear friend who visits me now and then and spend the night when he’s in Orange County for business), son-in-law John (the back of his head), Bud (Cherrie’s husband) standing in the companionway, up top is son Powell leaning over the mainsail, and grandson John mostly invisible.

Once we got everyone aboard, John started the engine. I was sitting in the stern, and that was the first (of many) times that I “lost it.” Just hearing the engine start up was emotional. How many times had I sat in the comfy cockpit over the last 30 years and watched as Dave started the engine. It’s a Yanmar (diesel, of course) engine, and Dave would probably say he loved that engine. It never, ever gave us any trouble. It’s a unique gutteral, deep-throated chug-a chug-a sound. I’d recognize that motor anywhere. Kinda silly to be emotional over the sound of a diesel engine, huh? But this grief thing – you just never know when you’ll be hit with a memory. That was one.

Captain John got all the guys and grandson John to prepare to pull out the jib. This boat has a roller furling – so much easier to manipulate and maneuver than a full sail you have to stow down below. It rolls up on a special kind of main stay/mast on the bow of the boat. But when you’re underway, and there’s wind, it’s a job sometimes to get the sail out. In the photo at right is Joe, with Sara who was beside me, working the winch/crank, trying to get the jib out full. Finally got it. Son Powell was working some getting us out too. I was so proud of him – despite saying he doesn’t like to sail (it isn’t that – it’s that he doesn’t like the work required to own a boat) – he’s very adept at sailing and knows what to do and when. He was keeping his eye on Vaughan, though, their 7-year old who doesn’t know a whole lot about sailboats.

Here’s a photo of Vaughan, though, at left, standing up next to me at the helm. Grandpa Dave used to let him captain a little bit. When he was about 3-4 years old, Dave let him do that for the first time, and Vaughan got real peeved when Grandpa had to grab the wheel. He was SO funny, “no, Grandpa, I’m steering!” He screamed bloody murder as Grandpa held on to avoid a buoy or some boat. On Sunday, he couldn’t wait to take the wheel, which he did for about 15 minutes, then he was tired of it. John was watching him every minute. Vaughan was looking for some building John had pointed to, that Vaughan needed to steer towards. He did a really good job! That’s me beside him.

The downtown San Diego skyline. Wow, how that city has grown in recent years. It was absolutely plu-perfect weather on Sunday – 70° and a light breeze. Cherrie said Dave must have ordered it for us from heaven. He’d have been so happy to have all of us – most of his favorite people in the whole world aboard his boat!

We sailed down the harbor for about 45 minutes or so, to the Coronado Bay Bridge. Here we are just about to go under it. We made a u-turn after that and headed back toward Point Loma.

As soon as we turned around, of course the wind changed, so we tacked. We were going into the wind, so Powell had both of the kids lie down flat up on top of the bow. Then the sail began to luff and the sheets (the lines/ropes that hold the sail) began flapping all over everywhere. When you’re under sail, the noise of that can be deafening as metal fasteners and the lines themselves slap against everything in its way. Vaughan and John-John thought it was all very “cool.” Somebody had to crank the sheets to get the jib adjusted just right. No problem – we had no lack of manpower. We sailed back up the bay again and the boat heeled over some. Usually you don’t heel over much with only a jib sail up, but we heeled some because there was enough wind. If you’re a true sailor, you love to heel over, which means there’s plenty of wind!

There’s Sara and me as we sat in the stern. We had just both had a teary moment. Doesn’t look like it, but we had. I shed a bunch of tears, some of them no one noticed because I was wearing dark glasses, and there were conversations going on all over the boat. We were having some good red wine – I’d gone down in the wine cellar here at home and selected 3 good bottles (we drank 2). We had one big toast to Dave (uh, yea, I had another teary moment over that as well).

Oh, that’s such a good picture of Yvette and Cherrie, at left. Believe it or not, we weren’t cold. We all had on some light wraps – the wind made it a little cooler, but it really was a pretty day. That was taken as we headed back up the bay with the San Diego skyline in the background.

It probably took us another 45 minutes or so to sail back toward Point Loma. And as we approached the end of Shelter Island, a man-made drive-on “island,” we needed to take in the jib, so John gave orders to all the grunts and they cranked in the jib. It was hard, as we were in a fairly good breeze. Again, the sail flapped all over everywhere, with metal fasteners banging on the stays, etc. Very noisy. Normal. John turned on the motor and we motored in and easily docked with 2-3 of the guys who jumped off to make sure the boat stopped. There was little or no breeze in the marina, thankfully.

Picture at right is Joe and son-in-law John. John the captain said goodbye to us all as we thanked him profusely for taking the helm for us. Yvette & Joe left, as did Bud & Cherrie. Then I asked everybody – yes, everybody – to go ahead and go, that I needed time alone on the boat. I don’t know that anybody understood, but I really did want to be alone, to say goodbye to the boat, to Dave, all by myself. So everybody left.

I went down below in the salon, and yes, indeed, I cried and cried. I let go. I let myself go, let myself cry my heart out. It was something I needed to do. I walked into every part of the boat – the forward berth, the head and shower, the galley, I looked at the beautiful teak floor (called a cabin sole), at the varnish on the table, at the nav table. Dave re-did the varnish on the boat nearly every year and it took him days. I touched surfaces everywhere, knowing that last summer (a year ago) he’d been hard at work on all of that. I thought about the hours of labor he put in, and again how much he loved the boat. I looked at the pillows on the settees that Sara gave Dave some years ago. I sat down and sobbed some more.

As I sat, because it was quiet outside (it was just about dusk), I just kept thinking I would hear Dave’s footfall as he would step on the boat from the dock. Or, I’d see him stand up in the companionway. I looked at everything. All the portholes, the TV, the cute rug on the cabin floor, the long cockpit seat cushions we’d stowed in the quarter-berth. The boat was quite empty of “stuff,” so it didn’t look  normal down below. Usually, Dave had a light amount of clutter on the shelves -winch handles, flags, cords, etc. In April we cleaned everything personal off and stowed any of the items that would stay with the boat so it would look clean for a new buyer.

Finally, I knew I needed to leave. I couldn’t stop crying as long as I was on the boat. So, I grabbed the wood slats that go into the companionway, took a couple of times to get them right (Dave always stacked them “just so,” so you wouldn’t have to guess which slat went which way, but that hadn’t happened when one of our group opened up the boat that afternoon). I pulled the hatch cover closed. I sat in the cockpit for another minute and stared at it. And cried some more. I said goodbye to her. Oh, it was so hard. How can a hatch be something to generate tears and sorrow? Well, it can, trust me! How many times had Dave’s hands grabbed those upper edges as he hopped onto the top step of the ladder to go below? Hundreds and hundreds. How many times had he stacked the slats? Pulled the hatch closed? Scrubbed that fiberglass? Washed the boat?

My family was waiting for me in the parking lot. Both Powell and Sara came to me and we hugged for a long time as I continued to cry. Finally, though, I explained I wanted to be alone – Powell would have driven me home (they were worried about me because I was crying), but truly, I needed to be by myself to mourn. Those of you who have been through this know that part. It was something about pulling Dave’s memory to me, me alone, because of the love and marriage we shared. I wanted to burrow down, fall within myself somehow and protect that last little bit of special sorrow that was there as part of saying goodbye to the boat. Sounds crazy, I suppose, but until you’ve been there, you just don’t know what that’s all about.

Tweet

five-spice fruit salad

It’s always nice, at a brunch, to have some kind of a fruit dish. You could certainly do plain, fresh fruit, but you can also make it special with this recipe that has some spice additions that are certainly a little off the usual list – five-spice and vanilla bean.

We had this lovely, fun brunch. We sat outside (a few weeks ago, here in California, we were still having full-on summer) so gathering on a Sunday, at nearly mid-day, we enjoyed the waning days of summer with a delicious mixture of brunch dishes. This being one of them. Peggy brought this one, a delicious marinated fruit mixture that contains some five-spice powder and a half of a vanilla bean. It’s marinated in a honey-based mixture, which also gave it a lovely sweetness. The recipe came from epicurious a couple of months ago. Peggy couldn’t find any figs, since they’re out of season, so she used peaches, the plums, and she added a few prunes to give it some alternate color. I think this dish could be very adaptable – use whatever fruit is in season, though not apples unless you cooked them a bit. Pears would probably work also.

The spiced honey syrup is made ahead, cooled, then poured over the fruit. It’s refrigerated for a few hours. It probably would be fine made the day before as well. I would think this could be made with less honey syrup – starting with 3/4 cup of honey is a lot. I might try making half the amount of honey and water (but use all the spices), marinate in a plastic bag, and turn the bag over several times in the refrigerator.

What’s GOOD: well, you know me, I like foods and recipes that have something different about them, and this definitely fits the bill here, with the five-spice (not overwhelming at all) and the vanilla bean. Of all the dishes we had at the brunch, this was the only one I went back to for seconds. Use fruit that have different colors to them if at all possible. The syrup could be used again – strain it, freeze it and use it weeks or months later.

What’s NOT: nothing at all – it was a really lovely fruit salad.

printer-friendly CutePDF

Files: MasterCook 5+ and MasterCook 14 (click on link to open recipe in MC)

Tweet

This photo of Newport (Beach) Harbor, is almost looking west. If you don’t live here and haven’t studied a map, and even for some people who do but just don’t know better, the coastline in SoCal is almost east-west. There’s smog off in the distance, that pinkish haze just above the rooftops.

Before I went to a Thanksgiving Day dinner with family, I drove down to Corona del Mar. There’s a beautiful bluff there overlooking the entrance to the harbor, and at one place you can peek through the trees and shrubbery for a glimpse of the harbor itself (the photo above). There were a surprising number of boats out that day. I’d intended to go earlier, take my Kindle and read. I forgot the Kindle, and I definitely didn’t even think of taking a folding chair. There are cement benches dotting the park/bluff area, but every one was in full, intense sun – absolutely no one was sitting on any of the benches. It was in the mid-80’s and it felt blisteringly hot. I certainly hadn’t thought about putting on sunscreen! There were oodles of people out also and very few parking places.

That’s the breakwater where any boats entering Newport Harbor come in. I cropped the top as the sun reflecting on the water was just blinding! I think the beach you can see at bottom center is called “Little Corona.” It’s a very small beach and much coveted by beach-goers. I’m not sure there is car access – walking is how you get there. The people you see are way above the actual beach – you can just barely see a sliver of the beach.

Even though Dave hadn’t kept his boat in Newport for many years (he used to), I thought I’d feel some closeness to him if I went to the bluffs to watch the boat traffic. It might have been a sad time for me – and I was okay with that, but as it turned out, I never sat down anywhere.  Never had time for contemplation of this new status of mine: widow. I walked (slowly) a couple of blocks (my foot was okay for that much) and then back to my car. I drove some of the neighborhoods, trying to find another place to park my car in the shade – but where the water was visible. Couldn’t find any. Too hot to sit in the car. Best laid plans . . . . I finally found a shady spot on a side street and played Candy Crush. I’m stuck on level 123 (I hope you’re laughing).

If that’s not quintessential Newport Beach, I sure don’t know what is:  sunshine, blue water, sand, palm trees, green grass, beach, ocean and boats.

Tweet

It’s Wednesday morning as I’m sitting here at my computer in the kitchen. It’s chilly outside and I have my latte beside me as I wake up, before I begin working on a couple of projects. I’ve already made the cranberry relish that I’m supposed to take to the dinner tomorrow. Next is the simple syrup I need for the cranberry shrub I’m taking, to serve with bubbly, so I’m taking a couple of bottles of good Champagne. I’ll try to remember to take pictures! I bought a bottle of a cranberry mixture (liquid shrub mix) at a cute shop a couple of weeks ago – a store devoted to unusual spirits and gifts for the connoisseur of them.

Music is playing on my Sonos speakers from my Pandora Radio set-up. I’ve created a John Rutter “station,” which plays his music, but as I have taught it what I like, Pandora has found lots of similar music. A good part of it is choral music and a bunch of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir (which I enjoy anyway). I don’t want to listen to news. Nothing much good to watch or listen to on world news today. I’m more introspective this morning. Classical music comforts me most of the time.

This last week I’ve spent a considerable amount of time cleaning out my hubby Dave’s closet. That has to be one of the hardest tasks for family to do after the loss of a loved one. I remember helping my mother with my Dad’s clothes when he passed away, then I did it myself after my mother passed. I paused at one particular blouse of hers (days later, and ever since, I wish I’d saved it). So I’ve saved a number of Dave’s things – one particular polo shirt that I loved on him, a sport coat (black and beige plaid) that I always complimented him on whenever he wore it. I’ve saved his baseball cap with the boat’s name embroidered on it. Also his lava lava, a kind of a man’s sarong. It has to be 50 years old, and in recent years he didn’t wear it because he’d have to go back upstairs to dress later, and with 2 artificial legs, he limited the number of times he’d have to do that in a day. He also got cold more easily.  I saved his favorite belt with nautical flags embroidered on it. He’d worn it the day before his stroke. It was something I hadn’t noticed in his closet – that the shorts were on a shelf with the belt still in it. I pulled it to me and tried to find Dave’s scent. None. I’ve also saved the pajamas he was wearing – they’re sealed in a ziploc bag, but unfortunately his scent isn’t there either. It makes me so sad. Recently I did find a jacket he wore frequently, hoping because it hadn’t been washed, that I’d find even the smell of his sweat. Maybe that sounds weird to people, but when you lose a beloved spouse, you want to find anything you can that makes them more “alive,” even though you know they’re not. So sweat would have comforted me some, but no, none there. I’ve also saved his big, long thermal robe, bright red, with his name embroidered on it. I don’t know that I’ll wear it, but for some reason I can’t quite part with it. Some people just throw everything out. I’ve been judicious about that because of my regrets about my mother’s blouse. So even though I may not look at these things very often, I want to save them. To look at occasionally, to hold, to hug. Just writing about this makes me cry.

Overall, though, I’m doing okay. My friend Linda phoned me the other day after she’d read my post about grieving this week. She thought I was not in a good place. But I think I am okay. On that scale of 1-10, I’m about a 6 and I haven’t budged from that for awhile. I’ve been quite busy this week (always a good thing – at least it is for me) so I haven’t had too much time to be sad. I’m hoping tomorrow will be okay. I’ll be surrounded by family, and it will be loud, boisterous and busy-busy, so that will keep my mind from wandering to my grief. I’ll try to hold it off in abeyance. If that’s possible.

Dave’s sailboat is in escrow, so on Sunday, the family and a few friends are going to the boat to do the “memorial sail” in Dave’s memory. I hope the pleasant weather holds so we don’t freeze to death. There will be about 10-11 of us (that’s a lot for the boat to accommodate easily) so we probably won’t go out for long. As I mentioned before, I’ll take along some wine from the cellar, some soft drinks for the kids, maybe some coffee would be good, and we’ll go out to motor around a bit and tell stories. If I have time I’m going to write a letter to the new owners which I’ll leave with the yacht broker to give them after the close of escrow, when he gives them the keys. I just want them to know the history of the boat, as much as I can give them anyway. I don’t know a whole lot about the mechanics, other than the fact that Dave took very good care of her, so I don’t think there will be any issues at the sea trial which is scheduled next week. For a 30 year old boat, she’s in beautiful condition.

Next week I’ll post again, and hopefully have some photos to share.

Tweet

Without a doubt, this soup could be made with leftover turkey – in which case you wouldn’t need to use the slow cooker. But the flavors are lovely. Simple to make. Hearty for a cold night.

Making this soup was a milestone for me in more ways than one. If you’re not a regular reader of my blog, you won’t know that I’ve been suffering from plantar fasciitis in my left foot, and the most painful thing I do is stand still. So standing at my kitchen counter is painful.

When I do stand there, usually for just a very short time, I put more weight on the other foot, which then makes my right hip talk to me. I also try putting more of my weight on the ball of my foot, which doesn’t hurt. But that isn’t exactly comfortable for any length of time, either. Anyway, I’ve purchased another pair of the shoes that are so much better (Brooks Glycerin 12’s) and now I’ve added in two more things: Aetrex arch supports (which have a cloud-like feeling to me) and Feetures cushioned socks. Those have made a huge – and I mean huge – difference in my walking ability. Even some of the standing-still ability as well. Of course, if I’d lose 50 pounds, my foot might not hurt so much.

I’m tired of eating out. Not that I’ve done that every day – I don’t. I’ve dug things out of the freezer lots of nights. I had more of that fabulous Moroccan Harira Chicken Soup, that I can’t get enough of, some lentil soup I made many months ago, before my injury to my foot, and I’ve defrosted some pork chops and have managed to stand long enough to cook those in a skillet. I’ll make some fresh vegetables – love Brussels sprouts with dried cranberries and a tiny bit of maple syrup drizzled in at the end. Or zucchini and onion with thyme. Nothing very exciting for veggies, but they’re something I can do without too much standing. I visit my local Mexican place once a week. And I buy any number of things at Trader Joe’s. I’ve poached salmon in my Lekue case on a number of occasions because it’s done in the microwave. And I stick a few veggies in there too, so it’s a meal in one. I discovered an ancient bag of soup in my frozen Soup Library that was made in 2009 – a Mexican Black Bean Sausage Chili. Oh my goodness was it delicious. I ate it 3 nights in a row. Who says frozen food doesn’t taste good after a year. I thought it was great, and it was 5 years old! I also make myself an omelet for dinner once in awhile. If I have a big lunch out, then I eat salad (often one from Trader Joe’s ready-made ones, my current favorite being Chicken Citrus Salad) or soup, or even cold cereal on occasion.

All that story leading up to the fact that the other night I WANTED to cook. That’s the other milestone. Since Dave died (8 months ago now), my interest in cooking has been only because I needed to feed myself. The joy of cooking had completely vanished. I won’t say that I didn’t enjoy eating the food I ate, I just didn’t want to cook it and if I cooked, it wasn’t fun at all. This particular morning, though, I thought about what I’d like to have and felt that I’d be able to do something in my small crockpot. I went to one of my crockpot cookbooks and found this one. I had all the ingredients, so that made the decision very easy. What appealed to me was beef stew, but I didn’t have any beef chunks in the freezer, so that idea went down the drain. I did have chicken, though. I almost always have chicken breasts and thighs on hand.

So with this recipe I’m celebrating the fact that I wanted to cook and that I was able to stand up at the kitchen counter long enough to do the food prep. Hooray! I had 2 pounds of boneless, skinless chicken thighs. I cut them up into large-ish bite-sizes. I sautéed the onions, added the garlic in at the end, sort of browned the chicken, then added in everything else and let it slow cook for about 2 1/2 hours. The recipe said 6-8 on low, 3-4 on high. Well, that didn’t work for me – this soup was completely done in about 2+ hours on low. I went online and read another website with this recipe (which came from Andrew Schloss’s Art of the Slow Cooker: 80 Exciting New Recipes). Others commented that the chicken was dry after that many hours, so I’d definitely not leave this to cook all day. Chicken thighs do have a lot more moisture, but chicken breasts would probably be done in an hour. You could slow it down by using chilled chicken broth, chilled canned tomatoes, etc.

Based on info I found in the comments at that website, I added a large can of tomatoes and more chicken broth. For myself, and because I’d added more liquid volume to it, I also amped up the spices just a little – rounded the teaspoons for all of them. I added regular grocery-store chili powder, which doesn’t have much heat – use your own judgment about that for you and your family. If I served this again, I might also add just a little bit of frozen corn (just to give it some color). Corn isn’t necessary, but it would be a nice addition. I’ve added it into the recipe below even though I didn’t use it. The chocolate – well, it wasn’t noticeable, to me. I think it would need more than an ounce. Someone else used chocolate chips, chopped up some.

What’s GOOD: how easy and quick it was to put together. You do need to sauté the onions (which gives them more flavor). My small crockpot allows me to sauté in the pot. I took out the onions then added in the chicken, then added all the ingredients (except the cilantro and chocolate added at the last). It was really delish. For a quick meal you could do this on the stove and it would be ready in about 30 minutes, I suppose. I decided to use the slow cooker because I was going to be gone for awhile in the afternoon (went to a movie). When I got home the soup was done to perfection.

What’s NOT: this isn’t really complex chili – although by adding your own type of chili powder (ancho? New Mexico?) it might change the flavors some. I was completely satisfied, though, for a quick dinner. I now have frozen half of it and will eat the rest for another 2 meals. If you’re feeing 6 hungry people, it might not be enough. Add another can of beans perhaps?

printer-friendly CutePDF

Files: MasterCook 5+ and MasterCook 14 (click on link to open recipe in MC)

Tweet

bacon, tomato & cheddar breakfast bake with eggs

You’ll remember that our little gourmet group had a recent brunch. This was the main dish – a delicious casserole with toasted bread croutons, tomatoes, bacon, oodles of grated Cheddar & Jack and other goodies, baked awhile, then during the last 15+ minutes you make little indentations in the casserole and plop in raw eggs and bake until the yolks are just smooth and runny. Of course, if you don’t like runny egg yolks, you can bake it longer.

My friend Cherrie made this dish. She said it was a little bit more work than she’d anticipated, but she did almost all of it the day before. Buy good bread, first of all. I think Cherrie used ciabatta. Chop it up in cubes and toast it – but only baked it some, because the dish gets baked once you put it all together. It makes a really beautiful presentation – we all oohed and aahed when she delivered it to the buffet area, hot out of the oven.

What this is, is a savory bread pudding. There’s chicken broth in it to soften the bread, and there’s onion and chives too. It was altogether wonderful. I’d definitely make it myself. The recipe came from Food & Wine, from Grace Parisi (I like her recipes – she’s a frequent contributor to the magazine) from November, 2010. The only thing Cherrie and I decided to change (we talked about it the day before when she was working on this dish) was the type of tomatoes – the recipe called for canned tomatoes that you dice up – well, you can buy already diced tomatoes – I think that type is wonderful! So I changed that in the recipe.

What’s GOOD: it feeds a crowd, that’s for sure. You might be able to stretch this to feed 12 – obviously add 2 more eggs. It’s pretty, and it’s really delicious. If we hadn’t had other dishes to choose from (I made the Pineapple Upside Down French Toast) I’d have had seconds. It doesn’t take long to put it together if you have all the ingredients ready to go – cook things partially and refrigerate (not the bread, of course) and put it all together just before it goes in the oven.

What’s NOT: nary a thing. Just know it does take some time to prepare – from reading the recipe you might not think so.

printer-friendly CutePDF
Files: MasterCook 5+ and MasterCook 14 (click on link to open recipe in MC)

Tweet